Showing posts from February, 2008

Instability & New beginnings ..

I wish I could just open my mind and pour out what I have inside without having the effort to type it all here... But you know typing is energy... Thinking is energy... Uttering the words is energy... That’s why I feel a bit relieved after I finish a post... Every time I begin writing something, I tell myself: “Will it be interesting?”... “Will it make sense?”... “Do I have a voice?”... “Will it help me to tell everything without fear?”... “Will I ever be heard?”... Although I believe that everything I learn in this life has a meaning... And although I always feel like I’ll be doing great things in life, some how I manage to get frustrated easily... Some ppl say that you gotta have positive energy to achieve what you want... But, is that really the case??!! .. What about destiny?? .. What about planning?? .. Sometimes I tell myself: “Quit trying ... Quit dreaming ... Quit wishing for things that you’ll never have”... I keep fighting for things to happen and they simply don’t... I’m not

Thy self ..

Strange how you can have several faces to your personality... Everyday you wake up you figure out something new about yourself... One day you find out that you can be so moody... The other day you start uttering a new word or expression like “Ezbot el ada2!”... You can even start up your day having the urge to scream out loud and you don’t know why... Someone with my illness struggles to survive... not because of the daily stresses, but only because thy self becomes the ultimate struggle... Maybe I shouldn’t be saying this and maybe I’m not supposed to be revealing the fact that I’m mentally ill... but actually after I knew this fact, I became relieved .. I knew I’m not making things up... I knew that my intuition was right... I knew that I’m blessed more than eternally doomed... The changes that happen to me are all because of that illness... The brain that I own is all because of this illness... The Intuition I have is also because of this illness... For sure my life is not completel