Monday, June 23, 2008

Simply Numb ...

it's been a while since I've posted anything.. it doesn't mean that I've not tried, but i really have nothing to say.. what is left of me to present? that's not really the case.. the point is i lost the urge.. i lost the passion.. i lost the thrill of everything that surround me.. however, what really drives me crazy is that i lost the key of communication.. i really can't deal with people anymore.. i have more fights and argues than i have ever had in my entire life.. i became unable of tolerating people and their stupid actions.. I'm very aggressive and rude.. I'm really repulsive and what's worse is that i don't mind.. i find myself safer this way.. no one can penetrate my life and order me what to and not to do.. of course as a result, lots of people are simply neglecting me and i agree with them.. no one likes to hang around a girl who only thinks of the bad things that strike her every now and then and is always taking life too seriously most of the time and above all a big fat loser :) :)

i feel like I'm never good enough for anyone.. no one is trying just to accept me for who i am.. they always neglect me at the end.. maybe that's why i push people away.. maybe that's why i don't want to deal with them.. maybe that's why i love myself's company more than anyone in this world.. I'm always outcast.. most of the time, i don't mind, but at times i really feel like i could use some company.. and the more the neglection increases, the more i become paranoiac.. and the cycle begins.. the more i become paranoiac, of course people will fly miles away :)

i wish i was better.. i wish i was someone else.. i wish i could inhale life and rebel my own.. i wish i had hopes and dreams that really come true.. i wish i had what it takes to be successful.. i wish i had the strength of facing all my fears and doubts.. i wish i had better people around me.. i wish i had true love.. i wish i had the determination to be patient and pursue what i want.. i wish i had the opportunity to do great things.. i wish people could understand me.. i wish i could fly away to a place where things aren't that tough.. i wish i had a real friend beside me.. i wish i could get a treatment.. i wish i could be more efficient and function like normal people do.. i wish i could change.. i wish i could find a better me, a happier me, a doubtless me, a funny me, a considerate me.. is it so much to ask??!!

.. N.O.H.A ..