.. To Hell and Back ..

Just when you feel like the world is all fine and sound, you wake up to such an awful fact that it is not .. Just when you pull yourself together and start living normally once again, you get hit by a strike ..

You know what really irritates her? .. She keeps fighting and fighting everyday for that glimpse of light that she might see .. and I repeat MIGHT see ..

She perfectly knows that everyone has his/her own problems to fix, but she keeps wondering... when will it ever be her turn?

It always comes to her senses, why can't she just vanish from the face of the earth and never come again .. if she's just nothing but pain to all who surround her, then why the hell did they decide to let her exist ..

Is it so hard to understand that you give birth to someone to actually let him experience living?!
Does it really hurt to realize that you're dying sooner or later?
Is it really possible that someone could be that mean and stubborn?
Then again, viciousness has always been found itself side to side with kindness in real life ..

Life's balance always freaks her out .. Everything is just shocking and hurtful .. She always waits for that moment when she has to embrace the new obstacle .. Yet, she struggles and re-lives her path .. It's an endless cycle of venom and complexity ..

If only he understands .. If only he wakes up one day to realize how he'll be all alone .. If only he knows how much hatred he's building up instead of the so much love he would have gained ..
However, she keeps being true to him .. she keeps holding on to his stupid rules and irrelevant regulations .. She keeps convincing herself everyday that it will all end at some point pretty soon ..

She can't manage to sleep .. She can't manage to even smile .. She just feels dull and empty the entire time .. He has to feel he's the winner, he's in control, he's the reason she's alive in the first place .. And he keeps reminding her of that .. Although, he perfectly knows how much she hates him and how she wishes that he could simply die to give her a break ..
She just needs a freakin' break .. a break from him .. a break from her .. a break from life I suppose ..

Talking to her is lighting a torch in your mind .. Funny how she revives everything that comes near her .. Despite living in hell, she definitely loves life and looks forward to meeting it someday .. She always dreams of the day when she can wake up with no worries whatsoever .. It would be really nice to feel a kiss on her cheek as well .. Someone to caress her softly and whisper in her ears how pretty she is when she smiles or ever yawns for crying out loud .. But, that's just a fantasy of hers .. Her entire world is a fantasy .. She can't manage to live in the real world anymore .. She's not raised to face it .. She was the one who taught herself everything .. from scratch! She had no self-confidence .. She is always as nervous as hell .. whether in or outside ..

However, she's grown .. She has known what it's like to breathe, work, play, laugh, write, and live .. She's taking baby steps, but she did learn something .. In fact, she's learnt a lot .. She has been through hell and back ..

Don't think she'll have that happy ending you're waiting for .. No folks .. It never ends ..
That's reality and this is how it works .. at least that's her reality and that's how it works for her .. A lot of people may not grasp that fact, but what the hell .. What do they know about living like a zombie?! Simply nothing!

Drop her a visit to hell one day... Maybe you're be able to pull her back to earth, or maybe not .. It's her life; at the end of the day, she's the one living it .. so, back off ...


.. N.O.H.A ..

يا قاعدين يكفيكم شر الجايين .. أو بمعنى أصح السايقين

أكيد بتسألوا نفسكم بعمل إيه هنا وانا يا عيني عليّاَ بنية غلبانة لا ليّاَ في الميكانيكا ولا عندي علم بالأحياء حتى !

الموضوع من الآخر كده انى هاكتب عن حاجات شفتها ومش عجباني اطلاقاً .. أنا مين عشان أكتب عنها مش مهم .. بس الأهم إني بقى ليَّا صوت وهيجلجل ان شاء الله !! .. أنا أكتب إذًا أنا موجود !!

نستفتح ونقول صبَح صبَح يا عم الحاج على رأي عمنا بوحة !!
أول حاجة لازم تعرفوها إن مش قصدى حد بعينه .. بس هموت واقول بأعلى صوتي .. يا جدعان ارحمونا !! تاني حاجة إني أكيد مش ملاك بس عندي يقين إن ممكن بفكرة صغيرة نتغير ونبقى أحسن بكتير ..

مش هطول عليكم بقى .. هبتدي في أول حوار ..
أكيد الناس اللي حبَه تجوَز عيالها بتبقى فرحانة فرح الفيل وأكيد لازم يزفَوهم .. بس اللي مش طبيعي بقى إنهم يوقفوا الشارع بحاله عشان مجرد عايزين يزفَوا العرسان ! .. مقدارين يا جدعان إنكم عايزين تفرحوا وتقولوا للبشر كلها إن الليلة ليلتكم .. بس بالعقل الله يخليكم .. يعني مش فوق الكوبري ومش في وسط البلد مثلا .. ويا ريييت مش في صلاح سالم لإن الشارع ده بيتلكك الصراحة !!!
سواء راجع منه ولا رايح في حتة على طول واقف ! يا إما ازمة كوبري الجلاء يا اما معرض الكتاب يا اما فيه تشريفة .. احم احم .. ماحدش بيعترض عالتشريفة ولا حاجة لا سمح الله .. الواحد بس نفسه يعرف جدول المواعيد عشان ينسى إن فيه أي شارع اسمه صلاح سالم في حياته أصلاً !!

ماعلينا .. مش مهم يقف الشارع .. الأهم إنه مايوقفش عشان حاجة تافهة زي مثلا اتنين قراروا يتكلموا و يرغوا في وسط الطريق من شبابيك عربياتهم ! أُمّال هي الموبايلات اتعملت ليه .. مش عشان خدمة 8000 أو 2121 تشتغل ؟؟!!! طب ماتنفاعوهم باردو بدل مل كل شوية تكلموا ال كول سنتر و تهازأوا اللى جابوهم عشان سرقة الكرديت .. مش صعبانين عليكوا يعنى؟؟!! ..
نتكلم بجد بقى .. ممكن قوي الواحد يركن على جنب ويكلمهم ويسأل عن أي حاجة في الدنيا ! .. وممكن برده الأهل يساعدوا في موقف زي ده .. وفيه حركة جامدة جدا تتعمل برده في الحالات دي .. اننا نسأل احنا رايحين فين قبل مانركب اى تكتك بجنوت فلاحى حتى … ولا إيه ؟!!!

طب سيبك من كل ده .. نفسي أعرف الناس بتقف تتفرج علي حواليها ليه ؟؟!!! .. يعني اتنين وتخنقوا مثلا .. عملوا حادثة .. أي مصيبة يا خوانا .. بقيت الناس تقف تهبب إيه معاهم ؟؟!! .. بتوصيهم مثلا على عيالها ؟؟!! طب بلاش دي .. خد عندك دي كمان ..
قال ايهههههههه .. الواحد مننا يبقى ماشي في أمان الله وفي الحارة اليمين وكل شاء تمام .. تلاقي هوووبباااا مرة واحدة واحد قرر يعدي منك من غير احم ولا دستور .. طب وإيه بقى ؟؟!! .. هتسيبو؟؟!! .. أنا باقولك لأ!!! .. اياك تسيبه يعدي! .. احترم نفسك يا مواطن (وبلاش اقولها حاجة تانية)!!

لازم تعرف إن فيه إشارة ده أولا .. وثانيًا لازم برده تعرف إن عشان تدخل في حارة تانية لازم تسيب اللي جنبك يعدي الأول وبعدين فيه اختراع جامد جدا اسمه مرايات! .. ولو مالقيتش حد يبقى خلاص الدار أمان وعليك إنك تنطلق بقى !!
وقال إيه كمان .. تلاقي حبّت زحمة .. يروح واحد الله يعمر بيته يقرر يمشي عكسي .. فـتلاقي الناس الله يعمر بيتها برده قالت تمشي وراه .. وفجأة تلاقي نفسك طريقك مسدودون مسدودون يا ولدي!
ماهو أصل الواحد لو عنده صبر ويحط في دماغه إن كل واحد عنده مشاوير اللي لازم يلحقها .. كلنا ونعمة هنمشي ..
وأكتر حاجة بقى تقرف الواحد إنه يشوف حد محوت على روحه وكأنه مثلا في حمام بيتهم ! لا عنده خشى ولا عنده ضمير و لا عامل حساب العالم اللي حواليه!!!!!

طب ده يتقاله إيه ؟؟؟!! حمامات وموجودة .. بيوت وموجودة .. محلات أكل وبرده موجودة .. إيه بقى المشكلة إنه زي ما بيركن عشان يقضى حاجته للطبيعة في أي حتة .. يحاول ولو مرة يقدضيها بشياكة واحترام نظافة لييه هو شخصياً واللي حواليه باردو .. فكروا فيها كده شوية .. هتلاقوها أبسط من البساطة والله ..

وعشان ماحدش يقولي إني مُتحملة على الرجالة .. لازم برده ناخد في الاعتبار الستات اللي بتسوق كإن الشارع بيت ابوها مثلا !! وهموت واعرف إيه مشكلة الركنة عندهم وبالضبط المارشدير .. وكله كوم وانعدام ثقافة الإشارات والنور !!!
وبما إننا جبنا سيرة النور .. لازم نذكر طبعا الظينون العالي اللي يعمي العين وينرفز أي بنى أدم قرر فى يوم إنه يستعمل مرايته الأمامية .. وهو مثلا يا جدعان احنا مش شايفين النور التاني؟؟؟!! .. وتفتكروا كده لو كان الظينون هو الأساس .. ماكانت الشركة حاططها وخلصت في الأول .. رجاء مني أنا شخصيا .. ابووووووس خالتك يا شيخ .. دماغي هتفرقع خلاص منه !

نقطة ومن أول الستر عشان لازم ندي تعظيم سلام للناس اللي بتعدي دول أبهاتى و أخواتى و جيرانى و أصحابى و فووق رأسى والله .. بس فجأة تلاقي بنى أدم قدامك ماتعرفش جه امتى ولا الساعة كام وقرر إنه يعدي في الملف اللي إنت داخل فيه مع مليون عربية جنبك .. لا و يتنَح بالقوي ويقولك ايهههههههه في ايههههههههههه ؟؟!!! وحقد الدنيا كله في عيونه .. زي مايكون بيغلس عليك مخصوص عشان مجرد بتعرف تسوق يا عيني .. طب دول حاللهم إيه بقى تفتكروا؟؟!! .. أنا بأقول الرجم!!!! .. طب بجد والله .. ليه بقى فيه لا مبالاه رهيبة عند الناس كده؟ .. محدش جرب يسأل نفسه السؤال ده؟ .. فين درس أداب الطريق ؟ وليه اشارة المرور بقت مش مهمة عند الناس كده ؟؟ .. الميادين على طول زحمة والكباري زحمة والشوارع زحمة والدائري زحمة وأماكن الركنة زحمة .. أنا عارفة إن العدد بقى في الليمون بس ما هو الصين عددهم ضعف عددنا بكتير .. ليه عندهم نظام واحنا لأ ؟؟

معلش يمكن أكون قاسية شوية بس صدقوني .. قوانين أو مش قوانين .. العيب من الاخر فينا احنا .. لا بقى عندنا احترام ولا مباديء ولا أخلاق .. وأكتر حاجة دليل على كده .. السواقة !!
زي مايكون الناس بتتلكك لبعضها عشان مجرد إنها تطلع الكبت اللي عندها .. طب إنت ولا إنتي متضايقة .. ذنب أهل الناس التانية إيه ؟؟؟ .. ده الابتسامة في وجه اخوكم صدقة يا جدعان ..
كل الناس عمالة تقول اتقوا الله في التجارة واتقوا الله في البنات واتقوا الله في المعيشة .. وماحدش فكَّر مرة يقول اتقوا الله في العالم اللي سايقة حواليكم !!
فين محاسبة نفسك ؟ وفين الخوف من ربنا؟ وفين الخوف م ان حد يسمعك وإنت بتشتم؟ وفين الاحترام وعدم الغضب والنصيحة؟ .. فين الاحسان يا جماعة ؟ .. ولا هو من كتر ما الواحد بيفضل يتريق على اسم احسان نسينا إن دي صفة فضيلة أصلا ؟؟ .. وحياة اللي خلقكم يا جماعة .. فكروا مرة بس في اللي عليكم قبل اللي ليكم ..

ودمتم !! كفاية عليكم كده بقى .. أنا عن نفسي تعبت! ..
وبعد اذنكم لو عندكم أي حاجة حبين تحكولي عليها أو تردوا على الاتهامات الفظيعة اللي قلتها عليكم .. ممكن تبعتولي على الاميل بتاعي .. وأكيد هارد عليكم ان شاء الله

Arabeety magazine
January 2010

What if HOUSE was real?

What if H O U S E was real?

Character analysis in relation to a real personality in life

Have you ever wondered why a fiction character has to be like it is? Did you ever imagine yourself in his/her shoes? Is there a time when you related to a movie and felt like it’s your own life they’re telling? The answer is simple. It is, indeed, your life!

These motion pictures are exactly what you are. With a little bit of imagination, everything comes alive. It all begins when a writer decides to write a story. One way or another, he/she chooses real people and real incidents to complete the sequence of his conception. When he/she comes up with a theme, they arrange the perfect plot to go with the exact setting… etc. But, that’s not what we’re going to talk about here. This is an actual attempt of what some people may call, ‘Self-digging.’

The purpose of this section is to make you more witty, smart, cautious, considerate, and wise. Who said exploring into people’s characteristics is a boring thing to do?! It’s actually one of the most exciting things you’ll ever have to try. It’s educational, informative, down to earth, and it also raises your attention to details. It would make you a better person as you explore the hidden feelings that someone may or may not have if they had to deal with you. In fact, it’s widely known that in order to understand people, you have to think like they do! Whenever someone raises their voice or starts to criticize you, remember it’s not their real nature; it’s their subconscious that speaks for them. It’s what they have experienced; it’s what they have faced in life that made them act the way they do. And that’s exactly why, ladies and gentlemen, we started this series of Character, or should we say, ‘Your Self-Analysis.’

As a start, we have chosen Dr. Gregory HOUSE; the famous M.D who dazzles us in each and every episode of his seasonal TV series ‘HOUSE.’ For most of you, HOUSE is just a lunatic arrogant bastard who forces his opinion on everyone without the slightest respect or consideration. But personally, I don’t think he is! In this article, you’ll know all about HOUSE; his ups and downs, his fatal moments, his self-struggle, his inner conflicts, his love to life… etc. You’ll be totally convinced that he’s not always as he seems. You’ll be introduced to his eventual mind games that he’s broadly famous for. You’ll take a tour within his mind and understand his simple ethics in life.

Dr. HOUSE's medical specialty is Infectious Diseases, Nephrology, and the most important of all Diagnostic Medicine. His biggest struggle would be his eternal leg pain, which he ultimately resolves it with an hourly dosage of ‘Vicodin,’ and that led him to an obvious addiction. Most people do not sympathize with a drug addict, but actually you’ll have to show HOUSE a bit of compassion and merriness. As he suffered from an infraction in his right leg, which was revealed to be a muscle death, he started living a completely different life that turned him into a misanthropic human being.

I always had this thought in my mind; what if HOUSE was real? What if he was a part of my life? What if I knew him in person? I came to realize that I would love to have someone like him around me. I would definitely benefit from such a logical and a clever guy. The thing about HOUSE is that he’s really intellectual and funny at the same time. Obviously, a person like him is very hard to find nowadays. If you decide to meet up with him for the first time, he would probably push you away. But, the real reason behind that is that he doesn’t really like to get attached to people. He’s really sensitive and friendly when you survive all his daily playoffs and plots. That’s why he chooses someone like Wilson, his best friend and colleague, in his life. Many would think to themselves; how could a person like HOUSE be friends with someone like Wilson? And, that my friends totally proves the fact that he’s a kind-hearted guy who just needs some support and tolerance. He never opens up to someone as he does with Wilson. If you really want to know how HOUSE is like, then observe him dealing with him. His childish games are only an attempt to get to really know you. His soul-digging personality is not about interfering, but on the contrary it’s all about real support and genuinity. His plain truth articulations are nothing but your self-righteous mind. He thinks, feels, and acts right away! He doesn’t wait for foolish gestures or silly sympathies. His willingness to go to extreme lengths for his patients and friends makes them trust him with their lives. They always ask him for consult not because he’s mean; it’s because he’s always right. He’s a diagnostic genius who lives and breathes on turning his patients’ lies into immediate treatments.

According to HOUSE, ‘Everybody Lies’ and that’s his ultimate motto. He believes that every patient has a dark secret here or there. Thus, the only thing he seeks is a new mystery, which to him it would be an impossible case. What really motivates him is when he discovers a new riddle, and for him it would mean a strange case. He likes the process of how he manipulates his medical staff and how he forces them to breakthrough their little mind boxes. He doesn’t feel like accomplishing something unless he finds a clue to the riddle all by himself. It gives him a sense of control. It makes him feel unique and extravagant. It’s like it gives him the pleasure he’s been always looking for throughout all his love relationships. If you were ever to deal with HOUSE, you will definitely need some time to adjust to his wicked sense of humor. You would have to read between the lines because he’s not a straight forward person. To him, it’s much more fun to play along your minds in order to dig up your deepest secrets. It gives him the ultimate pleasure to know something that no one else has came up with.

Just imagine what you would never have guessed in a million years; HOUSE acting like a sane person and looking out for the best of everyone without the slightest act of narcissism. No my friends; that’s not a fake imagination. Believe it or not, HOUSE has become well again! After spending a period of time in a mental rehab, he succeeded to overcome his long struggle with his hallucinations and self-distracting habits. He managed to be as normal as any person would react towards a problem or a situation. Personally, I wasn’t convinced that HOUSE could ever be that peaceful, which conclude us to the fact that change is undeniably possible. Yeah, anyone can change into a better person as long as he/she chooses to do so. Know that there will always be struggles and conflicts. There will come a time when you feel like dying and there will be a time when everything feels like it’s falling apart. But then, nothing lasts forever. Ever since the dawn of existence, there have been ups and downs, wins and defeats, as well as right and wrong deeds. And, it all leads to one point or another; YOU! It’s you who feel, it’s you who fight, and it’s you who take actions. Stand up for your morals and way of life, vote for your ideal figure, live each day like it’s your last, believe that nothing is beyond your reach, and broaden up your minds and souls. Embrace the power of choice people!

.. N.O.H.A ..
Beyond Magazine
January 2010 Issue

.. A Statement of a Deaf Guy ..

To actually visualize something that you love is one of the most pleasant things in life. People always mentioned this to me and I believe it's true .. Seeing a beautiful woman arouses the butterfly feelings and gives you a sensible picture of your perfect lover .. Smelling the breeze of a pouring rain gives you a chili sense of revival .. Touching a newly born baby allows you to know the reason behind being sweet and innocent .. Tasting a freshly cooked breakfast provides the urge of energetic sensations .. But, hearing is the only thing that's confusing to a deaf person, especially when he's never been able to do it .. The word "sound" is never uttered not even spelled .. In fact, all of these words doesn't make sense and it's ok ..

You can always feel bad to lose something that you already had .. But, what if you've never known what it's like to shout, to spell the words of love or to even hear the voice of your own mom .. It's simply nothing! .. An incredibly vague and a very casual sense of being .. It's when a TV finishes a broadcast and puts it colored strips on screen .. It's an unknown and an inexperienced factor that you definitely dream of knowing someday ... and it's alright :)

.. N.O.H.A ..

تنفيس - round 2 !

الواحد قلبه تعبان .. قلبه عيان ..
قلبه عايش على حاجة ونفسه بيها يبان ..

وفيها إيه ولما يكون غلبان ..
هو يعني الواحد مننا لازم يبقى قاسي عشان يعيش ؟؟
ما ينفعش يحلم ويسهر ويتمنى حاجة بيحبها من زمان ؟

كل يوم بيصحى على أمل جديد ..
على يوم ما يكونش فيه قلبه وحيد ..
ويرجع يفوق على جرح قديم ..
ويلاقي .. قال إيه! جرح من تاني أكيد ..

بس الغريب إنه مهما يموت ..
يرجع ويبتدي من تاني ..
يقع وبعد الواقعة يتعلم ..
إنه في يوم لازم يبقى عبيد ..

عبيد لربه مش لأي حاجة تانية في الطريق ..
يمكن في يوم قلبه مايكونش تعبان ..
ويمكن اللي بيحلم بيه يلاقيه قدام عينيه ومش مجرد أمل بعيـــــــــــد


.. N.O.H.A ..