Tuesday, December 15, 2009

.. Breaking Through ..

I know I've been assigned to write a problem and its solution per day .. But, I just couldn't .. It's been a very weird week for me .. For the first time in years, I simply find myself LOST! .. Couple of problems came in handy and the feeling of meaningless has announced its presence .. So, I decided that this should be my theme .. I should write about my lack of words .. I should simply declare and face the fact that i lack the ability to write for quite some time now .. I can never develop the will, nor the determination of coming up with an intriguing idea that gives me the chills every time I read it ..

But then, aren't I writing in that exact moment?! .. Aren't I trying to break free?! .. Aren't I a fighter or what?! .. Hell YEAH, I am!! .. Although it has been months since I held a pencil and wrote anything with my bare hands, but here I am again .. I still have it within me .. I can still breathe ladies and gentlemen .. Yeah, that's right .. I breathe through my words .. I taste the love that I lack else where .. I reach the ecstasy that every drug addict seeks from a silly pill ..

I may sound a bit "I Survive" kinda mood, but I don't mind it either .. I could definitely use some of this .. Some of -- and I can finally announce it -- H O P E ! .. And that's a word I could never utter for ages .. I couldn't even be persuaded of its existence!

Seems it wasn't that bad after all .. And you can't imagine how I long to just freak out and leave it all fall apart, but I don't want to .. I've tasted the urge to succeed .. I've known how it feels like to be on top of the world! .. I know nothing is guaranteed, but then again i'm not sure that I could stay like this forever ..

And all because .. I've started writing again!!

.. N.O.H.A ..

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Doodles: Your Friendly Subconscious

Each and every one of us tends to know the interpretations of a dream, after having a beautiful vision or an awful nightmare. Only then, we long to understand the hidden meanings behind them and a lot of these interpretations help us to dig into our inner selves, looking for more answers. Of course, there are professionals for this kind of job and there are several scholars who explored this field, such as “Ibn Serin” the Islamic scientist who elaborated that our dreams have meanings and that they can tell us more facts about our lives. Not only dreams can be interpreted, but also one’s own drawings or scribbles. It is not officially used by Psychologists, but it is, indeed, very descriptive as it can add more information to their analysis. So, basically exploring your personality or analyzing one’s absent-minded scribbles is known as drawing "Doodles."

“Doodles are expressions of the subconscious mind.” This quote sums up the idea of doodling which is the process that usually occurs when you're not alert. Whenever you are on the phone, daydreaming or feeling stressed, you begin to draw little sketches, hearts or irregular lines and this process evolves when you are in a stage of extreme boredom or rage. Doodling can really help you to get rid of the confusion that irritates you every now and then. “We allow ourselves to express the ideas that are locked in our head[s].” It helps in revealing our moods and mental reactions as it has became so much hard for us to understand ourselves nowadays. Those doodles have different interpretations due to the variety of drawings. For example, you may draw lots of stars which indicate that you're romantic or you may shade some bars which tell how you have a sense of suffocation as Anna Koren explained in her article “Doodles.” Each drawing has a unique symbol and a meaning that's because we're all different of course. Doodles can clearly show your various moods, and also can explain if you have some kind of problem or even if you are planning for some visions, hoping that they may come true some day.

Doodling is a creative process that has several sizes and different shapes. Each figure has its own symbol that expresses the characteristics of a person, and at the same time it “can carry a great deal of meaning.” When you start to doodle, you draw anything that initially comes to your mind. Your first impulse pushes you to set your ideas free. It is shown clearly when the size of your doodles is quite big as it explains how important it resembles. On the other hand, little-sized doodles show how much you may feel the sense of entrapment and loneliness. Various shapes of doodles help in exploring your way of thinking. The main types are shaped like Stars, Flowers, Eyes, Bars, Repetitive & Geometrical shapes, Faces, Animals, Arrows, Zigzags, Webs, Hearts, Oceans, Trees and Signatures.
I sometimes tend to draw lots of Bars, Webs and Flowers myself. And according to Anna Koren’s article “Doodles,” Bars indicate the sense of suffocation, a need to escape, a desire for freedom and a feeling of restricted actions. While Webs are shown as symbols of entrapment and serious dilemma in the article entitled “Doodle Analysis.” As for Flowers, Helen South has an interesting interpretation of them telling how they show the sense of gentleness in a person, his friendly and childish nature, and adds that if these Flowers have “sharp thorns, [they would] indicate betrayal of love.” As the articles continue elaborating; Stars indicate romanticism, Eyes are a sign of constant observation, Repetitive shapes resemble patience and perseverance, Arrows reveal ambition, Hearts symbolize sentimentalists, and last but not least Signatures draw someone’s attention to an identity problem.
Moreover, the pressure of the used ink of your pen and your doodling positions are of a great importance to your analysis. To explain the importance of your doodles’ position in a paper, we have to bear in mind that you may have different moods at different times, which means that this position depends on what you're feeling at that exact moment. Mainly, there are five positions; Center, Top, Bottom, Left and Right. According to Helen South, doodles drawn at the center of a page “suggest a self-centered, attention-seeking extrovert,” while the ones at the top indicate enthusiasm and spirituality, and others at the bottom shows your critical and practical approach in addition to timely depression. Helen south, also, explains how people rarely doodle on the right side, as it is the usually allowed space for writing. While Anna Koren sums up the interpretation of the left side by informing us that, whoever tends to doodle in that particular position, he/she may be held by the past, apprehensive and usually have fears of being exposed to new people and new lives.
Usually when you draw your doodles, you may not concentrate very well in what you're doing. So, after finishing, you should start analyzing them by any means in order to understand the hidden thoughts behind them. One of these means is indicating the pressure of ink drawn on paper. In Anna Koren’s article “Doodles,” she divides this pressure into 4 types; Heavy, Medium, Light and Irregular. First, the Heavy type expresses aggression and activity, while secondly the Medium type “points to a well-balanced personality. Thirdly, the Light type indicates sensitivity, and lastly the Irregular type resembles impatience, restlessness and lack of stability.
Doodles often indicate several interpretations and are considered as a fun way of discovering the inner feelings of someone and rather easy for an individual to use. You may be mysterious and kind at the same time, or sometimes calm and aggressive as well. Analyzing Doodles is one of the most interesting ways of detecting your good and bad aspects as it could help you to develop yourself and most importantly be friends with it. Maybe a lot may not see the importance of such process, but I personally think that it could discover many riddles in someone’s character. So, pay more attention every once in a while to what you're doodling. You definitely could use some interpretations about yourself in the easiest way you could have ever imagined.

.. N.O.H.A ..
Euphoria magazine
August 2009 Issue

Friday, June 5, 2009

No title .. Just talking ..

I really wanna write, but unfortunately I'm not that fortunate in my topic this time .. All I really feel is that I wanna cry out loud .. I feel so heavy with thoughts and sadness, although I'm beginning to get a hold on myself.. But, that's really where my fear usually lies .. The moment I find myself able and strong again, it's exactly when I get hit by a disaster that shreds me into pieces ..

I can't sleep, although I'm really tired and sleepy.. How I long for company, for a real relationship ... even if it's a friendship .. I really miss having real friends and meeting up with new people everyday .. Although, I like being by myself more these days, but I do miss life .. I miss meeting up for breakfast or even having long conversations in a public place .. I miss having my friends coming over all the time .. I used to have lots of gatherings at my place .. I've grown to love the girly meetings I held every once and a while ..

Those gatherings were my delights ..
I long for true people to deal with .. I long for meeting the real friends I have in my life whether through the net or outside it .. I miss having a real relationship with someone .. I miss receiving gifts and phone calls for the sake of me and not the ones who call .. It doesn't mean there aren't people who care for me .. Actually, I'm sure there are quite a few who are a bliss from god to me but, i feel so lonely .. I always feel so lonely ..

Why can't I just have a hug before I sleep?? .. Why can't I even feel my own mom's hug to me ?? .. I don't know why I don't feel so .. But, all I really wish for is to sob in
someone's arms and stay there forever .. I feel like I'm missing out on chances that come here and there .. I'm still trapped in this empty cycle that never ends although I do my best to move on and get stronger .. and I admit I do get stronger, but I feel I'm becoming colder .. and that's the only way to survive the world I'm living in ..

Why can't I be recognized as a human being who have rights and needs as equal as anyone else ?? .. why can't they see me ?? .. why aren't I enough for them ?? .. what is it that makes me so easy to throw away with the slightest effort ?? .. when will I ever be good enough for anyone ?? ..

Is it my fault ?? .. I really can't get it sometimes ..

.. N.O.H.A ..

Monday, May 11, 2009

A Conversation with My Birthday

Knock knock ..

Who's there? ..

It's your birthday ..

Oh, you ..

What's up? Don't you want me anymore? ..

No, of course I do. It's just that I need you to lay low for a while ..

And why so? ..

I'm just not ready for you yet ..

But, you're never in control of me you know. You can never tell me to pause ..

I perfectly know that, but I was hoping for some pity ..

That's so strange. Then why don't you want me around? ..

I never said I didn't want you around, I was just hoping that you could give me a chance ..

A chance for what? ..

A chance to live, a chance to love, a chance to succeed, a chance to feel, a chance to be someone ..

And who said you're not already living, loving, succeeding or feeling??!! You are already someone, you just gotta find it ..

And what about the Contradictions and the Confusions I constantly have? ..

They're never gonna end and you gotta deal with them. You see, you're the only one who can help yourself, you're the only one who gotta stand up for yourself, you're the only one who has to make plans, you're the one who has so much to offer, and you're the only one who has to find satisfaction ..

Damn you birthday, you always come up with those ideas, but they never happen, all you get me is a year that passes by without none of what you've mentioned ..

That's cause you keep imprisoning yourself and torturing yourself over and over and over again ..

So that's it?! Do I have to do all the work by myself?? ..

I'm afraid that's sad, but it's definitely the truth, that's your destiny and you should accept it once and for all. You're a winner, but you just don't see it yet, empower yourself and don't wait for something to happen. Life is for living, so work on it!

.. N.O.H.A ..

Magnificent Magazine
April 2010

Monday, April 6, 2009

".. I .."

I can't seem to focus. I can't seem to get a reasonable sleep. I can't seem to have a stable relationship… and the list goes on. I don't know why I love writing when I have this mood. I don't know why I have so many dark ideas lately. I don't know why I'm still hanging on things that aren't right for me.

I don't know where I'm headed. I don't know if it will ever change. I don't know the time when I will ever have a normal life like everyone else. But, I know this;

I know I'm fun to be with. I know I'm kind and caring. I know I deserve to be treated like a proper lady. I know I love laughter. I know I love being loved. I know I love to give. I know I'm trustworthy. I know that I can turn your world upside down. I know I'm effective. I know I'm crazy and spontaneous. I know I'm moody and righteous. I know I love stories. I know I'm wise and helpful. I know I love Allah (swt). I know I don't trust someone that often. I know I'm handy. I know I adore honesty. I know I love music. I know I hate frustrations. I know I hate double-faced people. I know I love luxury. I know I can't live without harmony. I know I'm not that good-looking. I know I like being alone sometimes. I know I love having friends. I know I'm so much into sharing. I know I wanna be something or someone that/who matters. I know I can make someone happy. I know I'm not easily understood. I know I'm weird. I know I'm hard to deal with sometimes. I know I'm a good listener. I know I'm passionate. I know I'm tender. I know I'm full of sins. I know I get outrageous. I know I sound offensive. I know I wanna live on my own. I know I'm angry. I know I'm a Leo and proud. :)

And, I wish for the best. I pray for people to get better. I'm simple. I need to be heard. I need to be appreciated. I want to be safe. I wish to be passionately hugged. I simply need love. I simply need a life to live… to breathe…

.. N.O.H.A ..

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Saba7o De7k !!

kal 3ada kolena beygelna friend requests we kal 3ada we ignore them :D
bas el request da galy men wa7ed kont shaka akoon 3arfah 3shan esmo general awi ..

fa el ragel katar khearo y3ny ba3d ma 3amal el request b3atelo msg we as2alo ay khedma y3ny .. me7tag 7aga meni .. y3ny mel akher 7adretak te3rafni???!!!!

we da el radd eli galy :D:D

hasebko ento b2a to7komo 3al msg .. yemken ana feya 7aga ghalat :D:D
aw 7ata i read msgs bel sha2loob wala 7aga :D:D

we ya reat b2a law 7ad eshtaghal el wad we kalemo .. aho te3mlo feya ma3roof we tesedo khanet fodooli :D:D hehehe

[i m asking if u r married , u r so prety in hejab mashallah
i v just arrived from belgium after i was Emam Alhmdulelah in leuven islamic center also i v appartment in Maadi.
just want to offer if its possible cup of ciffee in cilantro first and then its up to you for saying yes or no , jazak allah khair 0111074830]

.. N.O.H.A ..

Bosso b2a !!

samo 3leako keda !!
talbaha m3aya tahyees we bema en mafeesh 7ad sa7y fe haza el waqt men al layl fa ha hayes m3a nafsy we khalas b2a !!!

bas sa7ee7 .. hahayes 2a2ool eih we law 2olt ya tara 7ad hyed7ak aslan aw 7ata hayehtam ye3raf mawdoo3 el tahyees kan 3ala eih ??!! ..

hmmmm ... heaaaaaaaaaaaaaah doniaaaaaaa !!! ...

nefsy 2ala2y 7aga 7elwa keda a3melha .. be ma3na asa7 y3ny nefsy ashtghal shoghlana wana 7asa eni MESH arfana men nafsy wala nefsy anta7er :D:D
howa akeed akeed ma7adesh 3agbo 7alo we akeeeeeeeeeeeed m7adesh 3agbo shoghlanto .. bas 3ala el 2a2al ya3nak adreen yesta7melooha ..

om hend !! 3ayza a3mel ay 7aga leeha lazma fel 7ayah ya ged3an we 3agbany :D:D ghelet ana y3ny lama ekhtart keda ??!! ..
maho asl law ana adra asta7mel el routine kont esta7melt men zaman .. bas eli howa maba2darsh a3mel 7aga wa7da heya heya kol yoom we khalas 3ala keda .. maba3rafsh wen3ma !!
hmmmmmmm.... tab khalas bena2es el mawdoo3 da 3shan byek2eb el wa7ed mada el 7ayaaaaaah !!

nekhosh 3ala eli ba3do ...
besm ellah el ra7man el ra7eem .. el esm Noha wel sen 26 we nos :D
el hewaya : el ketaba we yemken yemken el 2eraya :D:D

bet7eby eih ??!! .. ba7eb el moseeqa 7ayso el gheyab 3an el wa3y 3shan law el wa7ed fedel yefakar 24 hours hayfar2a3 barDAK !! :D

7abeaty abl keda??! .. ah we malo ya khoya .. 7abeat mama we baba we khalto we 3ameto we teaza we setena el 7agga we mesh hakhaby 3ala 7ad .. 7abeat we MATOLTESH :D:D:D

so7abek fean?! .. kol wa7ed fe 7ayato b2a "wenta 3amel eih delw2ty??!!" [ 3ala ra2y Ahmed akhoya :D]

hmmmm .. eih tany ya Noha eih tany yakhtchy ... ahh ..

bosso b2a .. ana tehe2t we zehe2t we shakly keda hawala3 fe nafsy ::D:D:D:D:D:D

yala b2a ya gama7a .. mokhy we2ef le7ad keda we hermonaty hataqeem 3alaya el 7ad ... !!

mopaylat p2a !! ;)

.. N.O.H.A ..