Showing posts from May, 2010

.. Confrontations ..

I confess .. I'm starting to have some weak points .. Lately, i can't seem to stand up for myself .. I find it hard to step up to the situation and say NO! .. But, God knows how much I try to motivate myself to stand what I'm facing .. I know I'm not quite happy yet .. It's still not in the cards for me .. I admit .. I freeze when I'm depressed .. I go through this phase of nothingness that I keep wondering how it comes and goes so rapidly .. Sub7an ALLAH, I even feel it's alarm when it's coming .. It's like I sense a dusty wind, coming ahead to make me blind for a few days, and maybe weeks .. Unfortunately, I know I'm a moody person and I let it control me most of the time .. But, you can't imagine how much I long for appreciation .. Not just because I'm a Leo, but maybe 'cause I haven't had much love as I grew up .. I've had a happy childhood though, till the age of 8 or 10 .. Can't remember, actually .. I just know that

Hardships won't pull me down!

I've lived and went through many phases in my life .. Some which I regret and some I simply don't .. However, what really surprises me is my constant will for survival .. I truly thank God for that .. Despite all the anger and resentment, I've managed to overcome it somehow .. I think it's due to my constant prayers .. Yes, I do pray to God! .. It's the only thing that gets me through .. It's the only comfort I seek and it's the only genuine, comforting feeling I seem to gain .. I've lost all sorts of ways of emotional communication, yet that's the only true face of satisfaction I seem to have or even feel .. It's funny how life became so tasteless, whether in food, meeting people, or whatever .. It's like a deadly virus has conquered your heart and soul without you knowing it .. I mean you already know what emotionally and physically happens to your body, but not to that extent .. That's when the pity runs crawling to your senses, eating