Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Romantic & Proud !

I’ll start my post by stating out loud: “I’M ROMANTIC” .. I’m romantic and proud .. Actually being romantic is what made me alive all those years..
Being romantic got me closer to ALLAH (swt).. Being romantic made me in touch with my feelings all the time .. Being romantic made me know myself very well .. Being romantic made me feel things no one will easily have .. Yeah, it brought a lot of tears and agony along the process, but gave me lots of passion and gentleness as well…

Funny how some guys think it’s a point of weakness, although it’s the fruit that we’re born with..

Why do people always think that in order to be healthy you gotta be so practical and materialistic ??!! I’m not also saying that you gotta be naive either .. I’ve just clarifying that a person can live with both his/her heart and mind… sometimes it’s a very hard combination to achieve, but in my opinion that’s true salvation and balance…

I’ve always had this passion for nature… my favorite flower is Tulip and my eternal fantasy is to spend my life on a beach.. the moonlight is the closest to my heart… love it when the moon lights up my whole room and I keep lying in my bed watching it moving away and away till a cloud comes and embraces it… you may call me dreamy, but I find this scene very relaxing…

Sometimes I feel that I wish for too much.. mostly, I feel I’ll never find what I’m looking for… and actually I’m terrified to end up with a man who’s not good enough.. it’s just that this man is the symbol of everything I’ve ever wanted and never had in my life… I always feel that he has to be like an idol or something… he shouldn’t do this, he shouldn’t do that, he shouldn’t treat me this way or even think of taking me for granted…
I’ve been taken for granted so many times I can’t even count, really lolz…
I just feel this man gotta be sent from above! :D
Don't worry, I wake up right away and I tell myself, he doesn’t exist :D .. guess I’m nothing near optimistic :D but I have gr8 faith in ALLAH (swt) and I keep praying that he'll send me a man who will be the one for me… just wish the stress lightens up a bit :$:$

Hold on to your loved ones ppl… you’ll never know how lucky you are for such a gift… it’s amazing to share your life with someone you deeply & truly love… just to be able to wake up in the morning and find yourself feeling safe like never before :)

See ya !

.. N.O.H.A ..

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Sensitive & Trying To Deal With It

Her mum told her a very strange phrase today.. Never thought she would ever tell her a phrase like that..

She knows it's been hard living with each other lately, but she just stroke her when she simply shouted at her while having a discussion, " You don't love anybody!"

"How can she say something like that?! It really hurts," she said.. It's not that she believes her, but it's just the thought that her mum can think of her this way.. It's really strange..

"I don't love anyone 'cause I don't accept people treating me like s*** ?? .. Do I have to accept their ignorance just to win their love?!" She was really astonished by her words..

You may think she's exaggerating or something.. Maybe, but she's just stating what she feels.. Isn't it at least her right?! .. "Why is it always so hard to state what you think?! And when you don't, you receive the worst comments anyone can hear of," she thought to herself..

Sometimes she feels neither her silence, nor her opinions matter to anyone.. Specially to her mum.. "She thinks I'm a smug :) Yeah, she does.. I believe, despite her motherhood, she really hates me.. Nothing pleases her.. She keeps asking me to treat her as a friend and confide in her, but she just can't help it.. Whenever I tell her something, she blasts at my face! By then, I choose not to deal with her to lighten things up, but she doesn't understand this and I keep in this cycle all over again.." she says while thinking she can never tell her she doesn't like talking to her..

"God knows how much my heart aches 'cause we're not close enough, but I just can't get along with her by any means.. She just doesn't know what she wants.. She wants me beside her and at the same time she wants me to get married as fast as a lightning! She keeps praying for me to leave the house and at the same time gazes at me and says, "God only knows what I'm going through..." What shall I do then?!" she wonders..

She always feels stuck in between.. She's usually the neglected one, she's usually the one who gets crushed when something bad happens.. Don't think she's trying to change what ALLAH, the all mighty has written for her, she's just expressing her case, wondering what is in the cards for her afterwards :)

"Maybe that's why people get away from me most of the time or don't hang out with me as much.. I mean 'cause I'm a bit moody.. Naaah! I'm a lot moody!" she admits :) .. But, is it a crime that she has a heart?! .. God knows how much she struggles each day to work on herself and her inner soul.. She's not trying to brag please believe that.. She's actually very sincere about what she usually writes down in her diary..

"I know I may sound silly and unorganized, but I guess I deserve to be treated with patience.. I swear I'm not bad; I'm just sensitive and trying to deal with it.. I desperately need everyone's prayers.. I'm not afraid to admit I'm so weak right now.. Just hope someone would help me be happy a bit though.. And don't worry, I already seek refuge from the All Mighty... elhamdullah .. I just a friend would do his/her share.. Maybe... just maybe, one day I may find the sense of security I've been longing for my whole life.." she ends her words, laying down her pen and placing her diary on her bed..

She sleeps with little drops in her eyes...

.. N.O.H.A ..

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Fear Non-Stop ..

Assalam Alikom ..

Everytime I try opening a new msg to post, i pause like a minute or so; thinking how shall i begin my words... How i can be interesting enough , so that ppl dun get bored from my thoughts... But then i just tell myself.. just write... sure u'll come up with something... and i do sub7an ALLAH :) .. kolo fadl men ellah sub7ano we ta3ala...

Funny how a person can get so worried from those little things and a lot of other things as well... Maybe when u feel like u're being watched all the time or that u're being criticized thru ur entire life, u become so weak and fear becomes ur best friend... Noone can really understand wut i'm saying, unless he/she were in my shoes ... The problem is that ur surrounded by fear anywhere and anytime... Whether from ur parents, ur country or even ur own self !!!

Fear really can consume a person to the bones... But the main problem is when ur already grown up enough and u still find urself feeling the same fear u had when ur like 5 years old ... So, whose fault is it ? .. I think first it's the fault of ur parents, but mainly it's urs.. Yes, it is urs my friend ... Ur parents didn't teach u to love them beside being afraid, BUT it ur own fault cuz u chose NOT to change... and dun tell me u can't ... NAH.... u sure can, but u dun intend u nor want to !!! ....

I know i may sound a lunatic, but that's how i see it ... We tend to leave fear crawl into our senses for sooooo long without rebelling or even trying to cope with our inner soul ... A person must have inner peace b4 he/she thinks that they can spread them to the rest of mankind.... That's how Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was with others sub7an ALLAH ... Also, i heard a saying once but can't remember who said it ... It says that when u feel ALLAH's greatness (swt) and fear towards him in ur heart, only THEN the amount of fear inside ur heart start to reduce... To tell u the truth, i really tried it myself and guess wut .. it worked :)

Constant fear has always been one of my main problems i must confess.. that's why i feel that it's a gr8 problem among lots of ppl ... However, i guess i wanted to assure u that it can really be changed... and i really believe if u need something so much, u'll put ur heart and mind into achieving it... So, collect ur armor & guns and start the battle with Fear... Dun let it eat u alive cuz it can surely do .... for a long long time .....

.. N.O.H.A ..

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

My Mind vs. Theirs

What would you do if u found out that ppl regularly talk behind ur back?

What would you do if u found out that ppl dun do the job that u assign them to do?

What would you do if u found out that ppl neglect u and they'll always intend to do so?

Who's right and Who's wrong?? ... YOU or THEM ??

We always tend to fully depend on how our brain works.. but don't u think our own mind can trick us sometimes??!! ... How many times we thought that we're the ones who know everything... How many times did we make sure that we're always right on something...

How many times do we start a debate and then become unable to make a closure ??

Call me crazy, but i dun like empty talks like how's ur hair and how did u manage to do ur nails like so and so .... I'm not saying that life is gotta be all about seriousness either...

I just wish to state that u can also be fun and NOT STUPID !!!

Who said in order to be fun, u gotta talk about meaningless issues :D:D

Ppl my age tend to have an attitude that everything is coooool and easy .. U dun have to worry about anything... Then SUDDENLY they become like a herd; breathing to ONLY work , eat and sleep and they complain at the same time that life is boring... They just leave their souls to rotten and they do nothing about it!!! .. There are specific ppl in my life that i really get irritated around them for those matters ... They just get on my nerves !!! .. They keep talking aimlessly about anything and think that they're the best who are ever been born on earth :D

Guess what I'm trying to say here is that i always have this war going on in my brains.. It's kinda state of endless conflicts.. Whoever knows me well must know that my mind never stops... And when it does i enter this state of mind where everything is numb around me .... bel3araby bab2a moghayaba kam yoom keda we b3dean bafoo2 lwa7di :D:D:D

It's quite a thrill for me if anyone asked me about something or asked about my opinion... I have this constant self-esteem seeking... Then when someone get convinced with wut I'm saying, it's the world to me :D .. And i know it's just an infinite desire of knowing I'm right ... U must think I'm crazy by now :) lolz

Anyways, we all dream of peace and i specially dream of my peace of mind... No1 can really feel it's worth except those who feel thoughts are running through the veins of their brains like hot iron... A friend who studies medicine diagnosed me that i have Chronic Insomnia cuz i tend to sleep a lot or not sleep at all, and it's so hard for me to fall asleep so quickly also...

But u know something.. I'd rather have a brain that's like a rollarcoaster then carry a huge empty hollow one... It's more fun and less boring ;) ;)

..:: Palestinian Am I by E. Yaghi ::..

This is poem i found once , but unfortunatelly i really can't remember the name of the girl or any info about her except that she's palestinian...

Hope u like it ...

..:: Palestinian Am I by E. Yaghi ::..

No one can take away from me

my identity,for it is mine.

Palestinian am I.

I am the river that flows

through my land.

I am the mountain

Noble and magnificent

Rising up out of chaos and destruction.

I greet the morning sun

that shines down on my fertile valleys

and parches my barren desert.

I am the red poppy and yellow daffodil

that grow upon my blood

stained hills.

I am the battle cry of freedom

that echoes through my corridor

sand every fiber of my being.

Palestinian am I.

I am the proud owner of

Orange or chards and lemon blossoms

and honeybees, wild and free.

I am the Palestinian David child wielding a single stone

Against the Israeli Goliath.

I am not afraid,for truth is with me and God is on my side.

If I die,a choir of angels will honor meand later,

my parents will grasp my out stretched hand

and join me in Heaven.

I am the tears of Mothers weeping for their dead sons.

I am the footsteps of ancient prophets

who foretold of doom and destruction

to those who torture and oppress me.

My brethren are the doves, hummingbirds and seagulls

that fly unhindered above my sea.

I am Palestinian,Therefore, I am.

No one can take my identity

Away from me,not tanks or guns or bombs

Meant to desecrate me and kill me.

My country lives in me.

I am the cry of liberty.

No matter what they take from me,

they can't take away my identity

or my dignity.

Palestinian am I.

A Poem | My Agony

Several years ago i thought to myself, why don't i try writing a poem... It didn''t really matter back then whether it is good or bad.. Just wanted to try something new..
Later i started writing couple of things and i liked the idea of me rythming everything together :D
What i'm gonna post this time isn't my first peom though.. But i luv it anyways and wanna share it with u .. i'll be posting the other poems as well, so plz leave me a comment if u wanna ... It will really make my day :) ... Hope u like them @}--;----

..:: MY AGONY ::..

Different faces … Constant lies
Expressions flooding … Changeable eyes
Things to find out each day
But they only lead to the ties that grow within you when you rise ….
They crawl into your senses and suddenly you begin to sacrifice …
Thinking of your past beliefs
You long for the days of innocence and compromise…
But again you live your life to breathe the air
That's filled of dishonesty and thoughtless minds…

Wed 21/9/2005
5:00 am

.. N.O.H.A ..

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

My Character Flower

Assalam Alikom again ...

Guess I just made this blog and i can't get my hands to relax lolz... feeling i have so much to say ... but as usual i'll be saying bits and pieces.. anyways..........

Today i popped into a nice site full of GR8 pics and i mean REALLY REALLY GR8 !!!

I found this particular pic. and i thought to myself; " That's exactly me, sub7an ALLAH !!"

This is how i'm so sensitive and full of details and complications from the inside, and so harsh and itchy from the outside... or at least how i appear to be...

I confess i can be hard dealing with sometimes and ppl tend not to get me...

Some call me a snob, some call be complicated, some call me sheakha :) , some call me EFL (which means strict i guess) ....etc.

But the truth is i'm so fragile and vulnerable to the extent that i always build this wall between ppl and me, in order not to get hurt .. But, at the end i become hurt anyways...

What really irritates me though is that ppl nowadays tend to be sooooo judgemental !!!! ... They stopped listening anymore... They stopped trying to understand you and leave their anger aside... It's like everyone is just wating for the right opportiunity to POP UP in ur face with the worst words EVER !!! ... and if ur trying to tell them it's wrong, they begin telling u " Dun Try to be our Mommy :s :s :s " ...

WUT ??!!! MOMMY ??!!!

Come on ppl !!!! I'm just trying to help u know... and God knows how much i'm making an effort to really be nice with u all ... since when it's soooo wrong to advice someone u care about ???

Is it really a crime ???!!! ... and again... why dun ppl care about eachother anymore then keep complaining about neglection and stuff ???!!! ...

Doesn't anyone sit with him/herself anymore???? ... Aren't there ppl who question their opinions and actions ????!!!

I guess i'm just asking these questions cuz i keep popping into ppl who give me the impression that they're soooooo shallow.... and maybe cuz i'm a bit of a thinker myself... and i mean by thinker is that my mind keeps thinking a lot and not a gr8 philosophical character :) ...

A friend once told me: "Noha , u shouldn't think too much...."

Really ??? ... Is that it ??? ... Do i think too much more than i should be ???!!!

In fact i dun agree with wut they're trying to turn me into ... I managed to keep my character elhamdullah and i'm convinced that ALLAH (swt) has granted me this aspect to keep working on myself and never give up ... so, i embraced this fact and i started to understand that Life to me is all about Ups & Downs... It's all about these phases that i keep going into and going out of it ... And in order to survive , a person should cope with it cuz simply... u never know when ur life is gonna end, so u gotta be prepared..... for anything and everything ....

Maybe that's why i have this eternal passion for flowers... cuz they always bloom for a while and then become dead to turn in a sead and grow again and again.... it's a life's cycle... really this is our life... a cycle full of stages... sometimes rough and sometimes smooth... but we manage to live anyways... till the All Mighty calls it's end and start of Eternity...

Hope i made sense in all this .. :) :)

Take Care ppl and Good Luck with ur own lives :) :)

.. N.O.H.A ..

My First Post

Assalam Alikom Everyone ...

As u can see I'm new here.. never tried blogging b4 .. thought about it several times though, but never been convinced of it till this instant..

To tell u the truth I've been always afraid to even try, although I've been writing in my diary for years.. So, I guess ur asking urselves, then why am i doing it now...

Well, I simply wanted to talk to someone.. anyone... Wanted to express wut I have in my mind, maybe it would help me someday.. Wanted to share wut I have to say, then maybe I could make a difference.. I've always loved to write.. It's a passion really...

So, at first I'll be posting old stuff of mine to get started around here... I'll be posting mainly my thoughts & simple poems... This place will be a Mini-Diary for me...

Hope it would be interesting to you and I hope you enjoy it as much as I will really do :) :)

Best Wishes,

.. N.O.H.A ..