Monday, May 10, 2010

.. Confrontations ..

I confess .. I'm starting to have some weak points .. Lately, i can't seem to stand up for myself .. I find it hard to step up to the situation and say NO! .. But, God knows how much I try to motivate myself to stand what I'm facing ..

I know I'm not quite happy yet .. It's still not in the cards for me ..

I admit .. I freeze when I'm depressed .. I go through this phase of nothingness that I keep wondering how it comes and goes so rapidly .. Sub7an ALLAH, I even feel it's alarm when it's coming .. It's like I sense a dusty wind, coming ahead to make me blind for a few days, and maybe weeks ..

Unfortunately, I know I'm a moody person and I let it control me most of the time .. But, you can't imagine how much I long for appreciation .. Not just because I'm a Leo, but maybe 'cause I haven't had much love as I grew up .. I've had a happy childhood though, till the age of 8 or 10 .. Can't remember, actually .. I just know that I've grown up too early for my age .. I've always been premature and taking things way too seriously .. I wish I can lighten up, and I do succeed sometimes, but I end up all serious again in no time .. I was never like any other child I've known .. I had my own life and my own problems .. I agree that I'm a loner; that's how I've been living for over the past 20 years of my life .. And, I'm sure now that I'll never be comfortable around people for so long ..

I seek nothing from this post, but to confront myself .. I'm hoping I can change .. I'm hoping that I obtain better communication skills .. I know I've missed a lot and I have been through a lot because of that .. I just wish that I could be able to feel happiness .. I want life to have taste ..
May ALLAH have mercy on my soul and grant me harmony .. I seek only refuge from the Almighty!

.. N.O.H.A ..