Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Instability & New beginnings ..

I wish I could just open my mind and pour out what I have inside without having the effort to type it all here... But you know typing is energy... Thinking is energy... Uttering the words is energy... That’s why I feel a bit relieved after I finish a post...

Every time I begin writing something, I tell myself: “Will it be interesting?”... “Will it make sense?”... “Do I have a voice?”... “Will it help me to tell everything without fear?”... “Will I ever be heard?”... Although I believe that everything I learn in this life has a meaning... And although I always feel like I’ll be doing great things in life, some how I manage to get frustrated easily... Some ppl say that you gotta have positive energy to achieve what you want... But, is that really the case??!! .. What about destiny?? .. What about planning?? ..

Sometimes I tell myself: “Quit trying ... Quit dreaming ... Quit wishing for things that you’ll never have”... I keep fighting for things to happen and they simply don’t... I’m not saying that I’m not satisfied with my life, but I just wish for some happiness... My life isn’t that balanced like most people... For sure I have ups and downs like plenty of them do... But the point is that I’m the type of girl who keeps indulging everything that comes her way... Till one day, something collapses around her and she feels helpless... But again she stands and breathes and starts a new beginning...

My life is full of new beginnings... Nothing is stable... Nothing is really quite that interesting... But I make it interesting! .. I wake up each day and I tell myself: “This is your miracle! This is your day!”... I don’t expect much believe me... My demands are incredibly simple... A peaceful house, A life of my own, A caring spouse and A lovely place to live in... Above all, I dream of Freedom... Freedom of speech, Freedom of will, Freedom of thoughts, Freedom of words, and Freedom of choice …

I don’t like accepting the fact that my life will end up full of routine and obligations... There are several ultimate things in my life that I hate the most... Routine is one of them... Then comes ignorance, dishonesty, cruelty, inconsideration, boredom and shyness... when do you think my life will be exciting on its own? ... I wish to cheerful action for a change :) ... Pray for me that I do … Or don’t bother yourself to help … God’s willing, it will happen!

.. N.O.H.A ..

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